When you hear 'abusive'. what first comes to your mind? Well, many things but in this part of the world, the male-female relationship is one of many options. People don't really bother if anyone has an abusive friend, sibling or classmate as much as an abusive boyfriend, fiance or even husband (usually) even though that has no intention to deny the fact that abuse in whatever form and in whichever context is serious business.
Today, many people suffer in their relationships just to make things work (or so they think) but is it worth it?
*He doesn't respect or welcome your ideas.
Many women want a man who can make decisions and be the warrior and everything like a superman but a true gentleman I believe, is such who will carry his woman along in everything. If it gets to a point that your man always has the only (I won't say final say), then, watch out. If your opinion is not needed and even if given is not considered, you might just be in another abusive relationship. Such men will go ahead and follow thesame advice you gave them if its from someone else and you are like, why is that?
*He raps you up.
Are you in an abusive relationship with a smooth-talker who can build a castle under five minutes? Some guys know just how to 'mellow' down their women by saying things they love to hear. When he leaves, you just know something isn't right but you can't lay a finger on it. This kind of guy will explain that he is just using other ladies and you are the Queen of his heart. He knows how to break down and tell the perfect lie for not showing up on your birthday. He is good at introducing many ladies to you and yet dodging the main issue, calling one my very good friend and the other my angel....
*He doesn't trust you.
No matter how loyal, faithful and dependable, an abusive man will never trust you. He believes you are just another 'girl' out there and he doesn't see beyond that no matter how much you have tried to distinguish yourself. The first thing he wants to do whenever he sees you is check your phone. He wants to be properly introduced to your friends and is very possessive. At first you might think he's doting on you and being protective but time will tell.
*He runs away from commitment.
Our guy will always travel around your birthday. He will always have a flat tyre when he should meet your mum. He will always be hospitalized when its time for your grandma's burial and so on. He will always find an excuse not to take you to the get-together organised by his friends. He is always careful not to involve you in anything that will make you "settled" towards a future with him.
*He argues with you.
This guy always has this row with you whether over trivial issues or otherwise. If you are not married and all you do is argue, make up, come back, break up for a while, give space, need time to think everytime, I bet you need to watch out. In such cases, the marriage is always hell -that's if it leads to marriage. You will not always view things thesame way with your man but it doesn't have to be a tragedy. Moreover, one day, there is a tendency that this will get out of hand.
*He threatens you.
Threatening to leave you or date other ladies for whatever reason is just not it. If your guy can't put things in order because he has ego issues then he doesn't deserve you. A man doesn't have to threaten you to drive his point home. Marry such a man and if you break his rules he will threaten to marry a second wife, threaten not to drop the monthly allowance and even threaten to have a child out of wedlock if you don't get pregnant on time.
*He physically abuses you.
Now, this is getting out of hand. Every form of shoving, slapping, pushing, boxing, belting is just unacceptable and don't wait for me to tell you to leave him. In marriage, leaving may not be the case but a lot of cautioning will be welcome. It is however pathetic that many women wait until this stage. Some have been beaten yet they claim to still be in the relationship for love. Don't make yourself a rag just because you are in love (that is obsession and not love). Love is beautiful and has a lot of respect for the other.
There are so many other ways to know if you are in an abusive relationship but for now, make do with these. Soon, I will talk more on this.
Value yourself, you are worth more than being tampered with. Give your love to only those who know your worth and deserve you so you won't end up being a gold ring in the swine's nose. Don't end up being an unhappy bride, a single mother and a frustrated woman. Make a choice today. Life is worth living -happily. Be loved. If you need to talk to a counsellor, request for a client form through email (tlecounsel@gmail.com), you will never regret it.
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